No Tomatoes
I’m apparently seeing someone. What is this nonsense?
Having a functional relationship that isn’t making me pull my hair out? Blasphemy!
But in all seriousness, this is good. I’m all trying to have social interactions and meaningful interpersonal connections and whatnot. LOOK AT ME ADULTING LIKE A GODDAMN PRO.
Also I haven’t been this happy for a long while. And it’s turning me into a useless sap. It’s a fascinating experience. The word infatuation comes from the Latin word fatuus. It means stupid. I now understand this.
Blarg.
Back to the previous nonsense
Is it in terrible taste to have a crush on someone’s tattoo?
To elaborate, if the person in question is only vaguely interesting until I notice the insanely pretty ink, does it make me a terrible person if I talk to them just so I can stare at it for a longer period of time?
Seriously guys, it’s the prettiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.
We Interrupt Your Irregularly Scheduled Nonsense
https://www.google.com/landing/takeaction/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page
http://sopatrack.com/
http://stopthewall.us/
I urge you to contact your state representatives to let them know that a vote for SOPA or PIPA is one fewer than they’ll get from you in the next election.
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WUBWUBWUBWUB
So Lollapalooza is happening again, only this year I get to enjoy it minus the sulking at home because I can’t go. Because I am going. In case that wasn’t clear.
Anyway.
A Perfect Circle is going to be playing. A PERFECT CIRCLE IS GOING TO BE PLAYING.
Also, Beats fucking Antique. I am physically vibrating with excitement over this shit.
Also, WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE I AM UPDATING AGAIN. Also, I have a twitter now. What the fuck?
I give it about a week before I stop remembering to do anything with that bullshit either.
http://twitter.com/#!/KaosDanses
Oh, and I’m writing music again. It is not going to end well.
I’m sure I’ll subject anyone reading this to something related to the aforementioned music-esque substance.
I’m going to go publicly embarrass myself with some karaoke now.
Until next time,
Hugs, kisses, and other inappropriate things to be giving strangers,
-Ed
Thus spake the universe. Or just Peet’s Coffee.
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Hark!
So work today was interesting.
The host for tonight, Khan, emigrated here from Vietnam decades ago. He’s a really nice, laid back guy and he speaks very fluent English with a slight accent. Everyone loves him because he can take a joke and is generally amiable towards everyone. This will come up later.
At around 7:30, right in the middle of the dinner rush, a man came into the restaurant and walked up to the counter. He was wearing dark glasses and a knit cap and had a giant beard, but that’s pretty standard attire for some of our regulars, so I didn’t give it too much thought until I noticed he had a flag wrapped around his shoulders like a scarf and he had tied a large stuffed bunny to the ends of it.
This was the first clue that he may have been missing a few marbles.
After we explained that we were not going to give him free food and we didn’t even have sandwiches so, no, we would not give him a free sandwich either, he turns to Khan and asks, “You from Korea?”
Khan replied truthfully that no, he was not from Korea, he was born in Vietnam.
The man drew back slightly and asked, “So, how do you like it here in my country?”
I should probably mention that at this point I wasn’t entirely sure whether to laugh out loud or find a wine bottle to hold menacingly, but Khan laughed it off and said he quite liked living in America.
Instead of being mollified, the guy started yelling, “Yeah, we treat you real nice here. When we were over there you Vietcong Charlies treated us like shit!”
He then proceeded to back out the door, staring at us the whole time and continuing to yell, “HO! HO! HO!”
There are no words.
Carrot Cake
Cake recipe:
2 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 and 1/4 teaspoons baking POWDER
1 teaspoon baking SODA
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 and 1/4 teaspoons cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon cloves
4 large eggs, room temperature
1 and 1/4 cups maple syrup OR 1 cup turbinado sugar and 3/4 cups dark brown sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 pound carrots, peeled and finely grated
1 cup roasted walnuts (optional)
Preheat oven to 350 degrees farenheit and grease a 9x13 baking dish.
Mix flour, spices, salt, leavening, and walnuts in a large bowl and set aside.
Beat eggs, combine with sweetener and and oil. Mix well.
Stir in carrots, then pour the wet ingredients into the bowl with the dry.
Stir until you are rid of any lumps.
Bake for 35-40 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
Also makes around two dozen cupcakes, reduce baking time to about 25 minutes.
Frosting Recipe:
8 oz cream cheese (one packet)
8 oz heavy whipping cream (half pint)
1/4 cup granulated sugar OR confectioner’s sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 tablespoons maple syrup
Allow cream cheese to soften, mash it until it’s free of lumps. Add in vanilla, syrup, and half of the sugar; mix thoroughly until it is, once again, lumpless.
Mix cream and the other half of the sugar until the sugar dissolves, whip the sweetened cream.
Start out adding the whipped cream to the cream cheese little by little until you have the consistency you want.
For best results, use cold bowls and utensils.
Enjoy!
Ampersand Ampersand Ampersand
I was reminded today that I do not update enough. I am ninety percent sure that almost nobody reads this, so I figured it wasn’t too big a deal, but I’m updating anyway, just to prove them wrong.
I am nothing if not contrary.
I want to get a massage. My back hates me. The problem is that I am an awkward human being and therefore turn into a pile of uncomfortable silences and nervous outbursts in equal measure when confronted with the necessity of getting undressed in public. Nudity in front of strangers is more the stuff of school-related nightmares than a relaxing experience for me. You’d think what with getting changed backstage my entire life I’d be used to it, but no such luck. The awkward shines through like a beacon of post-adolescent self-consciousness. With bells on.
So hot baths it is. Hooray!
I have a longstanding grudge against the weather gods of the Midwest and it is being exacerbated by the cold snap following the gorgeous warmth of the past week. It was ninety degrees three days ago and today it was fifty.
Fuck you winter, you persistent bitch. I only like you in December and January. It is now May. Stop it.
New paragraph! Fuck yeah!
Stuff and things and such. Goblins wouldn’t be very good pets, caribou are the only animals of which the female of the species has antlers, and what is the deal with airline food?
I’d actually like to know. I have only had it twice that I can remember and one of those times I only ate the apple pie.
It was very nice, if a little greasy.
I may have gone on a date today. I am not really sure. I have no real experience in these matters. The food was tasty.
I need to finish a necklace before work tomorrow, so until next time,
Hugs, kisses, and other inappropriate things to be giving to strangers,
-Ed
